Adventures with Z-Bo

Well, Greg and I had agreed that Zack could not have a dog.  We didn't want the mess nor did we want to have to always find someone to watch the dog while we were away on a trip.  We also didn't want the smells of a dog in our home...things have changed greatly. 

In July, Zack's guinea pig, Brutus died from unknown causes.  Zack was devastated.  He wanted to go out and get a new guinea pig immediately.  I told him I felt we should wait a month.  He was okay with that.  I didn't want another guinea pig...too much work and Zack could not play with it like he could a dog.  So I kept putting him off...until one day he said "Mamaw I want a pet."  I knew I was going to have to do something.

He started school at the end of August and then and there I decided that he needed a dog...a friend who would always be there for him no matter what happens he would have a his best friend.  We started shopping online at the local shelters.  We decided that it had to be an older dog at least two years old, potty trained and non-shedding.  We worked for a week to find the right dog.  So...August 30th we visited Warren County Humane Society on Cook Road in Lebanon.  We checked out one dog but found him to be too aggressive with other dogs.  We talked to a lady there and she said that the other dog that we picked out was also aggressive.  We asked her what dog liked other dogs and kids...she took us to Jeffy a Poodle Mix and told us to take him for a walk.  We did...we fell in love.  On Wednesday, August 31st we became pet owners of Jeffy.

The surprise on Zack's face was so worth it!!  He came home from school and Jeffy was waiting for him to walk in the door.  They have bonded so well.

Jeffy is now Z-Bo and life is good.  He enjoys trash cans, he loves snacks and loves to be petted and held.  It feels like he has been with us forever!!  GOD is so good, HE brought this dog into our lives.  HE gave us a very good animal and we are blessed.  GOD has a way of showing what we needed in our lives as long as we open our hearts and minds to see and hear HIS words!!

 Z-Bo and Zack the first day we got him *before haircut*

 Z-Bo after the haircut and finding his way into our hearts!

Z-Bo claiming Greg's chair...funny dog and a joy to be with!

Forgive and Forget?

Today I have thought a lot of what it truly means to Forgive and Forget.  To do one means you must do the other.  Can I do that?  Am I able?  Boy this is a tough decision. 

Let me explain.  Our middle daughter left her children June 2009, since then we (Greg, Tabby, Martin and I) have had the wonderful pleasure of raising her three children.  We have Zack and Tabby and Martin have JJ and Katie.  It has been a tough road but we have endured and are starting to see a little light at the end of a long tunnel.  Since then she has not communicated to her children directly except for three letters each which were sent the latter part of last year.  In those letters she didn't once mention that she would call or try to visit.  I am not sure why she would not want to be around her children, but she at that time had no desire. 

She has move back to Ohio in the Franklin/Carlisle area since the first week of April.  I don't know what she expected us to do or how she expected us to feel but I at this exact moment do not want to be around her.  We have told the children and they have acted out in school and at home.  They are rebellious, unruly, snippy and down right rude.  Not on a continious basis but day to day I see a little more of this stuff coming out.  Tonight Z-man actually told me to shut up, nope I did not backhand him or whip him, I just told him that the next time he does it he will sit in time out with a bar of soap in his mouth.  He didn't apologize but he didn't talk like that again.  I am not sure if the acting out by all three children is the result of knowing their Mom is back in town or if it is the change of weather.  I know we were at Walmart and Z-man stayed on the floor most of the time.  When we left he told me he was afraid that his Mom would be there and see him and he did not want to see her. 

Forgive, how can I do that?  She hurt three children and she hurt her Dad, Sister and I pretty bad.  She also changed our lives forever with her actions.  How can I forgive her when she didn't care what was happening to her kids the past 18 months.  How can I forgive her?  I know in my heart GOD is telling me that it is the right thing...but my mind is fighting back saying "NO! I don't want to deal with it any more!"  Yes, I love her, Yes, she is my daughter that I carried 10 months and gave birth to, raised and love.  But she has grown into a person I don't know and don't like very much.  Forgive, that is a tough one for me. 

Forget!?  How can I when a little boy tells me stories of how it was living with her and how she treated him or how she let other people treat him?  How can I forget the fear in his eyes each time she got mad?  How can I forget the way she lived and how I don't want to see the children living like that again!  I was not a filthy housekeeper, my home was not perfect but it was clean and my children had clean clothes, food and beds to sleep on that wasn't crawling with bugs.  Forget...that is as difficult to do as forgive. 

Again, I keep hearing GOD in my heart saying "Forgive."  This to me is a huge challenge and one that is not going to be easy for me to do.  A couple of reasons are 1.) the way she treated the children  2.) will she think that we forgive her, we will give her the kids.  For one, I am not giving up Zack and Tabby is not giving up the girls...they are in a better place, they are loved and cared for with love.  They are happy and satisfied.  One problem, they do love their Mom and one day we are going to have to come to grips with this and set up a time for a visit.  I am not looking forward to that day...we are letting Zack tell us when he wants to see her.  I feel this way he is making that decision and we are not forcing him to do something he is not ready to do. 

So to Forgive is to forget and that is a tough one.  Please share with me your story of how you overcame a challenge where you had to really put effort into forgiving and forgetting!

God bless you and keep you.  May HE always shine as a light in your life.  May you always know HIS way is the light and life of your world!!

Hugs
Paula

Just Another Day in Paradise...

Another holiday is behind us, but it was a very good holiday.  Easter always brings great joy and happiness to my heart.  I read to Zack the other night about when Jesus carried the cross to the place where he would be crucified.  As I read to Zack, I kept explaining why things happened that way and why Jesus had to carry his own cross.  He had tears in his eyes when I reached the end of the Bible Story.  I then proceeded in reading about how he was taken down from the cross and laid to rest in a tomb.  He sat silently when I finished the story.  He then looked at me and asked if GOD was mad at His Son and caused him to die.  I told him No, that Jesus was sent to us to show us GOD's love and GOD's word and that Jesus knew He would have a short time to do this.  That seemed to statisfy him.  I kissed him goodnight and started to leave the room, he called me back and asked if GOD was mad at us, I told him that I felt GOD is disappointed in his people but as a good Christian who devotes their life for others and lives a good life I feel HE knows who is out there praising His name.  He said okay and went to sleep.

I got to thinking if maybe the story was too harsh to share with him.  Maybe I should have sugar coated it and read only about the good from Jesus' love.  No, I think I did right because the next night Zack asked me if Jesus is okay now and doesn't feel any more pain.  I told him that yes, Jesus is wonderful and He lives in each of us.  I also told him that Jesus died so we could live.  I guess he did listen to the story and understands a little about it. 

Do we understand?  Do we know how GOD truly loves us unconditionally?  Do we really feel HIS love in our hearts or do we just "think" about Him when times are tough?  JESUS, God's ONLY SON, was crucified and died on a cross so we could live!  That is a great sacrifice and I will tell you today, I don't think I could ever give up any one of my children, my parents, my sister, my brothers, my grandbabies ever like GOD did His ONLY SON!!  Just think about it...what would you do?

Our Easter Sunday consisted of a nice dinner, a great egg hunt and some fierce competition on the Wii Sports...bowling!  So far, Jake is winning but his Dad and I are practicing and next time we will get him!  The grandbabies had a blast, the egg hunt was inside...upstairs.  I wish now I had divided it with the little kids downstairs and big kids upstairs...less craziness.  I just hope next year it is sunny and not so wet.  The sun did come out in the afternoon and it was quite nice...the kids went out and definantely enjoyed the mud!  Everyone left around 5ish and Zack, Greg and I just sat down and took it easy.  We missed those who could not be with us but they were most definately in our thoughts and prayers.

The goslings are hatched!!  I will post more later...with pictures.  I can't wait to see them...Spring is truly here and GOD has blessed us with so much beauty and love!! 

Until we meet again...may God always make your path an easy walk!! 

Things will be changing...soon

If life throws you a curve ball, hit it with all your might!  If life gives you a bowl of cherries make sure there are no pitts.  Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you get until you bite into one.   Lots of sayings can add a little different twist to the true meaning of LIFE.  Your life may be not so interesting and not full of what you think are the "best things in life" and others may see your life as fun filled, interesting and wonderful!  Step back from your life a moment, see yourself through others eyes and evalute how you feel about your life.  It isn't easy, in fact it is quite hard to do... you may see so many things you want to change, so many things you want to erase ....  why?  Because it will make you a better person?  Because it will bring more joy to your life...?  Nope, don't think so.  You see, I feel that your life is given to you by GOD, our Heavenly Father!  I feel HE knows the path we will walk and yes I think HE does give us choices on which path we should take.  HE guides each one of us on this path regardless of gender, race, religion or if we are poor or rich.  HE guides each of us to a crossroads...there is a decision to make at this crossroads.  HE gently gives to us a choice of which one HE would rather see us take and if we are listening very closely, we can hear HIS suggestion.  If we take a different path, HE is still there, guiding, encouraging, loving and caring about us on our journey.  Only HE knows what the outcome will be, Only HE knows what will happen.

My family over the past two years has been on such a journey.  It started on June 28th, 2009 when my middle daughter decided she didn't want to be a mother any longer and left her three children and her husband (of less than a year) to go to Arkansas with her boyfriend.  It sickens me to think that she would ever do this, but it happened.  Once her decision was made, there was no turning back not for her not for us.  Our oldest daughter stepped up knowing we could not handle three children and said she would raise the girls.  We have the boy.  Our lives have changed and changed forever.  We did not hear from our middle daughter for a long time, now she is back in Ohio and we are trying to decide what path GOD wants us to walk.

Over the past approximate 18 months, these three children are stronger and more in control of their feelings.  They are loved, cared for, protected and nurtured.  They are given a chance at make good choices in their lives and have grown better at knowing who loves, cares and protects them.  Tonight we did something that was very difficult we told our Zack about his mother being back in town.  He didn't bat an eye but asked when he had to see her.  We assured him that we will meet with her first and she will have to talk to the Therapists before we plan a visit.  That seemed to reassure him we will protect him every step of the way.  He knows we will not let her take him and that we have done of every measure at school, home and on the bus to protect him.  He was happy to hear she could not remove him from the school and that he knew to go to an adult if she would show up there.  The scary thing is, she will be living fairly close to his school...that pertrifies me.  Thank goodness the school knows of this and will protect Z-man from her taking him.  Our oldest girl found out from the day care that they could not keep JRH from getting the youngest girl from the day care but they could detain JRH and call our oldest girl and she in turn will call the police and keep JRH from taking the youngest out of day care. So scary!  I just pray that JRH will realize how settled her kids are and just back off.

Yes, I know she is their biological mother and she has rights too, but she didn't think of that when she left.  She didn't think of that when she neglected the children over the 5 years she had them.  She didn't think of that when she let other men beat and abuse mostly Zack and JJ...  She didn't put them first it was always her and her drugs and booze to keep herself going.  She didn't not once put her kids first in her life.  That is why it is so hard for me to accept the fact that she could have changed...that she could be responsible, that she could love them and treat them with respect, care for them properly, see to their needs.  I don't think she can or ever will.  Why you ask...well it is very hard for a leopard to change its' spots!  The things she has said over the past two weeks just proves to me how inrresponsible she still is...

So many things have gone through my thoughts...do I sign a restraining order against her to protect us and Z-man?  Do I call the courts and let them know that she is in town and would they like to talk to her about abandoning her kids?  Do I call Children Services on her (yes she has another child now and he will be a year old in May).  What do I do?  How do I handle this.  I am unsettled and fear she will fight for the girls and cause all kinds of grief which is unfair to the children and to our oldest girl.  So my best thought is to turn it over to GOD, let HIM guide me in HIS special way and I must listen closely to hear HIS words of what will be best for the children. 

I ask you to pray first for the children, then for my oldest girl and for our daughter JRH.  I love them all and know in my heart what I think is best for the kids and I pray that it is GOD's way of telling me that is HIS way too!

Through the Holidays

This year our Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year's was so much more love filled and calmer than last year.  We celebrated Jesus' birth and we enjoyed our family getting together for the first time in quite a while.  Having my oldest son and grandson at the house is beyond words.  I was completely thrilled to have them and cherish the pictures I have of them.  I pray that we will stay close and not go so long seeing each other again.  Tabby, Martin and the girls, Trina, Jeff and the girls, Jake, Britt and their children, my Dad, my sister Trish and her friend Karl and his daughter and Trish's boys were here.  What a glorious time together.  Our gift to our children this year was giving them their pictures as they were growing up.  It took a lot of work and with Greg's help it was accomplished.  I think each one of our children enjoyed their walk down memory lane.  It truly was a special time and GOD made it all possible. 

Zack did pretty good this year too with the holiday celebrations and all the excitement leading up to the "big" day when "Santa" arrived.  He had a few rough days at school but he worked through them.  He was a tad bit disappointed that he did not get an X-Box 360 but the Wii is okay for second best.  He loves Legos and received quite a few of them too.  If he could build a huge city in his room of Legos, he would.  Maybe one day he will.  Zack talked a lot about his Mom (which broke my heart) and told of one Christmas when they were at their apartment.  He said that he got his Scooby Do dog and he knew his Mom got it for him even though she said Santa gave it to him...he said he knew it was his Mom.  He said he misses her a lot and hopes one day she will come to visit.  I know he has to miss her but right now his heart is still hurting from the pain and agony that she put him and his sisters through that I fear it would bring back the nightmares, the bad behavior and the fear of her taking him away.  I laid it at GOD's feet and know that GOD will guide me and show me the way for Zack.  I trust totally in GOD's love and care.  HE and only HE knows exactly what those children went through and HE and only HE knows where they are best at.  Yes, one day a visit would be nice, I miss my daughter and want to know she is okay, but right now is not a good time, I think the children and us need to heal.  She did send a short message to the kids at Christmas via my phone/text messaging.  Just saying tell the kids Merry Christmas.  Oh well...at least she thought of them.

Greg and I have been battling bronchitis and it just doesn't want to go away.  Taking meds to clear it up but I think I will have to have another round of antibiotics and Greg's cough is not getting any better.  It worries me greatly.  For those of you who didn't know it, Greg had a heart attack in 2007, it was a mild one requiring a week's stay in the Cardiac Care Unit and a stint placed in his heart to open a severe blockage.  This past September he went to the heart doctor appointment (one the doctor made and sent paperwork to confirm the appointment) and when Greg arrived at the doctor's office, the receptionist told him that he didn't have an appointment and he would have to reschedule.  He was pretty upset and has not rescheduled and is no longer taking his heart meds (which he said were maintenance and not preventative).  I worry about him and pray that he will go to a new heart doctor to be checked out and get back on the meds that are necessary in his life.  He says we can't afford them.  I disagree, we will do without other things if that is why he quit taking them.  Sometimes he can be so frustrating but I love him even more.

Have you ever watched a movie or show that touched your life?  Made you think?  Have you step back from yourself and look at how you live, how you act, how you treat others?  I watched that type of movie the other night.  Yes, it is a Christian based movie and was very well put together.  "Facing the Giant" doesn't have any big stars in it, it is not a movie that was shown on the "big screen" or had huge reviews but it should have!  It is excellent and if I could suggest that you watch it please do.  It is well worth it!  There is one part in the movie that has me thinking that I need to do more.  It is the comment made about "Preparing your fields while waiting for the rains to come."  It touched me in a way that I am rethinking how I do things and what I can do more for Zack and Greg and all of my family to make things better in their lives through GOD.  A very good movie, please take a moment to watch it.

I will sign off for now.  I pray daily for all of my family and friends.  I know prayers are answered by GOD not always how we wish them to be but HE does answer all prayers in HIS time.  Patience is something that doesn't come easy for me, but I am learning to lean on GOD and let HIM show me the way, the light and the glory!!

God bless you!!

Christmas Day 2010 and many blessings!

The anticipation of the coming Christmas holiday was very exciting.  Zack was so ready for gifts and family.  Greg was decorating a lot around the house and outside too.  This year Greg added to our Christmas light display by making a sign stating Jesus is the Reason and then he made a very nice 3-D star.  He has had a few issues over the past couple of weeks with the lights, but he climbs up on the roof and diligently works on them to keep the lights going for all to see.  The house is decorated nicely and it feels good...it feels happy. 

Christmas Eve we went with Tabby and Martin and the kids to Neiderman's Farm.  It is a nice place where they have lights up and tell the story of Jesus and his birth.  It was a very nice walk...thank goodness it wasn't snowing...the ground was pretty well covered already.  From there we came home and tucked Zack in and prepared for Santa's arrival. 

Christmas Day morning arrived, we had to wake Zack up to get him downstairs.  When he finally came down, he opened his gifts and was surprised with them.  I think he was a tad bit disappointed that he didn't get an X-Box 360 / Kinect but he did get a WII which I hope he starts to enjoy more. He received a lot of other nice gifts and then he gave a gift that means a lot to me.  He and Greg bought a pencil/picture cube for Zack to put together.  Zack did, he sanded it, varnished it and then put it all together.  It is very nice and I love it.  Trying to decide if I will take it to work or leave it here at home...not sure yet, but I do love it...

Time for the family to arrive, it was so nice to have four of my children under one roof again.  Tabby, Trina, Jake and Chris filled my day with so much love and happiness I thank GOD every moment for it.  Visiting with my grandchildren is always a special treat but having my oldest grandson Jacob T here was truly wonderful!  I got a lot of hugs...I cannot tell you how happy I am from the lovely gift that I received yesterday...my family is very special to me and just made it perfect being together.

Thank you GOD for all that you do in my life.  May it continue to give me strength to make it to the next day and continue to show me the way that you want me to take.  THANK YOU GOD!!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year

Hugs from Paula

First week of December 2010

What a week.  Lots of positive happening in our lives and some negative too.

The negative is not always have enough money to do what we want, we pay bills and live with what we can but we get by and enjoy life as we can.

Now the positive, ZACK has a magnificent week at school all five days.  That is a record for him.  He is growing, learning and most of all controlling his behavior in a more positive manner.  He feels the changes himself and the pride he shows is really wonderful!  To think a year ago at this time we really were struggling and praying hard that things would turn around for him.  It has take a full year for this transformation and we are truly blessed and thanking GOD on the highest!!  I know there will be days/weeks/months that Zack isn't doing well but the days/week/months that he is, is a major celebration for him and he deserves it!! 

Why the changes, we are not sure.  I feel that things are just starting to click for him.  He is beginning to realize that there is structure and it is not going to change.  There is stability and we have proven that with our lifestyle and with a very positive team of folks who help Zack everyday.  There is an over abundance of love...Zack tells us he loves us a lot each and every day.  We tell him too!  Lots of hugs and kisses.  There is GOD who believes in Zack and is showing us how to guide Zack in life.  It isn't always going to be wonderful and great for him but each and every positive is one step closer to a better life for him as he grows older. 

We have not heard anything from the natural Mom since my last posting and that is fine.  She can just be happy in Arkansas with the choices she has made and we are delighted to have Zack, Katie and Jadden shining a special light of love in our lives. 

So what are you doing for Christmas?  Do you have any traditions?  I would love to start some...especially for the grandbabies.  My parents really didn't have a tradition that I can share, but they were always good to us and our Christmas was celebrated with our family, Aunts/Uncles/Grandparents and friends.  I remember visiting my Grandpa Lucas' house and each family had a Christmas tree and under it was packed with presents from Santa.  Their was always something special but one Christmas I received glass procelein dolls from around the world and just fell in love with them.  I begged my Dad to build shelves above my drapes in my bedroom or a shelf so I could display them, he never did and they got broke and finally tossed away.  I had twelve dolls and they were beautiful but I think Switzerland was the best one, she was just beautiful.  They were the size of a Barbie doll and immaculately dressed.  Wish I had those dolls today...not for the dollar value but for the sentimental value.  My Grandpa died that next spring and we did not have another Christmas with his family again.  Sad but true.

Well I shall sign off for now.  Thank you for taking the time to read my blog and my ramblings.

May God shine His light upon you, May you carry in your heart His everlasting love and share it with others around you! 
Hugs!
Paula