Forgive and Forget?

Today I have thought a lot of what it truly means to Forgive and Forget.  To do one means you must do the other.  Can I do that?  Am I able?  Boy this is a tough decision. 

Let me explain.  Our middle daughter left her children June 2009, since then we (Greg, Tabby, Martin and I) have had the wonderful pleasure of raising her three children.  We have Zack and Tabby and Martin have JJ and Katie.  It has been a tough road but we have endured and are starting to see a little light at the end of a long tunnel.  Since then she has not communicated to her children directly except for three letters each which were sent the latter part of last year.  In those letters she didn't once mention that she would call or try to visit.  I am not sure why she would not want to be around her children, but she at that time had no desire. 

She has move back to Ohio in the Franklin/Carlisle area since the first week of April.  I don't know what she expected us to do or how she expected us to feel but I at this exact moment do not want to be around her.  We have told the children and they have acted out in school and at home.  They are rebellious, unruly, snippy and down right rude.  Not on a continious basis but day to day I see a little more of this stuff coming out.  Tonight Z-man actually told me to shut up, nope I did not backhand him or whip him, I just told him that the next time he does it he will sit in time out with a bar of soap in his mouth.  He didn't apologize but he didn't talk like that again.  I am not sure if the acting out by all three children is the result of knowing their Mom is back in town or if it is the change of weather.  I know we were at Walmart and Z-man stayed on the floor most of the time.  When we left he told me he was afraid that his Mom would be there and see him and he did not want to see her. 

Forgive, how can I do that?  She hurt three children and she hurt her Dad, Sister and I pretty bad.  She also changed our lives forever with her actions.  How can I forgive her when she didn't care what was happening to her kids the past 18 months.  How can I forgive her?  I know in my heart GOD is telling me that it is the right thing...but my mind is fighting back saying "NO! I don't want to deal with it any more!"  Yes, I love her, Yes, she is my daughter that I carried 10 months and gave birth to, raised and love.  But she has grown into a person I don't know and don't like very much.  Forgive, that is a tough one for me. 

Forget!?  How can I when a little boy tells me stories of how it was living with her and how she treated him or how she let other people treat him?  How can I forget the fear in his eyes each time she got mad?  How can I forget the way she lived and how I don't want to see the children living like that again!  I was not a filthy housekeeper, my home was not perfect but it was clean and my children had clean clothes, food and beds to sleep on that wasn't crawling with bugs.  Forget...that is as difficult to do as forgive. 

Again, I keep hearing GOD in my heart saying "Forgive."  This to me is a huge challenge and one that is not going to be easy for me to do.  A couple of reasons are 1.) the way she treated the children  2.) will she think that we forgive her, we will give her the kids.  For one, I am not giving up Zack and Tabby is not giving up the girls...they are in a better place, they are loved and cared for with love.  They are happy and satisfied.  One problem, they do love their Mom and one day we are going to have to come to grips with this and set up a time for a visit.  I am not looking forward to that day...we are letting Zack tell us when he wants to see her.  I feel this way he is making that decision and we are not forcing him to do something he is not ready to do. 

So to Forgive is to forget and that is a tough one.  Please share with me your story of how you overcame a challenge where you had to really put effort into forgiving and forgetting!

God bless you and keep you.  May HE always shine as a light in your life.  May you always know HIS way is the light and life of your world!!

Hugs
Paula

Just Another Day in Paradise...

Another holiday is behind us, but it was a very good holiday.  Easter always brings great joy and happiness to my heart.  I read to Zack the other night about when Jesus carried the cross to the place where he would be crucified.  As I read to Zack, I kept explaining why things happened that way and why Jesus had to carry his own cross.  He had tears in his eyes when I reached the end of the Bible Story.  I then proceeded in reading about how he was taken down from the cross and laid to rest in a tomb.  He sat silently when I finished the story.  He then looked at me and asked if GOD was mad at His Son and caused him to die.  I told him No, that Jesus was sent to us to show us GOD's love and GOD's word and that Jesus knew He would have a short time to do this.  That seemed to statisfy him.  I kissed him goodnight and started to leave the room, he called me back and asked if GOD was mad at us, I told him that I felt GOD is disappointed in his people but as a good Christian who devotes their life for others and lives a good life I feel HE knows who is out there praising His name.  He said okay and went to sleep.

I got to thinking if maybe the story was too harsh to share with him.  Maybe I should have sugar coated it and read only about the good from Jesus' love.  No, I think I did right because the next night Zack asked me if Jesus is okay now and doesn't feel any more pain.  I told him that yes, Jesus is wonderful and He lives in each of us.  I also told him that Jesus died so we could live.  I guess he did listen to the story and understands a little about it. 

Do we understand?  Do we know how GOD truly loves us unconditionally?  Do we really feel HIS love in our hearts or do we just "think" about Him when times are tough?  JESUS, God's ONLY SON, was crucified and died on a cross so we could live!  That is a great sacrifice and I will tell you today, I don't think I could ever give up any one of my children, my parents, my sister, my brothers, my grandbabies ever like GOD did His ONLY SON!!  Just think about it...what would you do?

Our Easter Sunday consisted of a nice dinner, a great egg hunt and some fierce competition on the Wii Sports...bowling!  So far, Jake is winning but his Dad and I are practicing and next time we will get him!  The grandbabies had a blast, the egg hunt was inside...upstairs.  I wish now I had divided it with the little kids downstairs and big kids upstairs...less craziness.  I just hope next year it is sunny and not so wet.  The sun did come out in the afternoon and it was quite nice...the kids went out and definantely enjoyed the mud!  Everyone left around 5ish and Zack, Greg and I just sat down and took it easy.  We missed those who could not be with us but they were most definately in our thoughts and prayers.

The goslings are hatched!!  I will post more later...with pictures.  I can't wait to see them...Spring is truly here and GOD has blessed us with so much beauty and love!! 

Until we meet again...may God always make your path an easy walk!! 

Things will be changing...soon

If life throws you a curve ball, hit it with all your might!  If life gives you a bowl of cherries make sure there are no pitts.  Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you get until you bite into one.   Lots of sayings can add a little different twist to the true meaning of LIFE.  Your life may be not so interesting and not full of what you think are the "best things in life" and others may see your life as fun filled, interesting and wonderful!  Step back from your life a moment, see yourself through others eyes and evalute how you feel about your life.  It isn't easy, in fact it is quite hard to do... you may see so many things you want to change, so many things you want to erase ....  why?  Because it will make you a better person?  Because it will bring more joy to your life...?  Nope, don't think so.  You see, I feel that your life is given to you by GOD, our Heavenly Father!  I feel HE knows the path we will walk and yes I think HE does give us choices on which path we should take.  HE guides each one of us on this path regardless of gender, race, religion or if we are poor or rich.  HE guides each of us to a crossroads...there is a decision to make at this crossroads.  HE gently gives to us a choice of which one HE would rather see us take and if we are listening very closely, we can hear HIS suggestion.  If we take a different path, HE is still there, guiding, encouraging, loving and caring about us on our journey.  Only HE knows what the outcome will be, Only HE knows what will happen.

My family over the past two years has been on such a journey.  It started on June 28th, 2009 when my middle daughter decided she didn't want to be a mother any longer and left her three children and her husband (of less than a year) to go to Arkansas with her boyfriend.  It sickens me to think that she would ever do this, but it happened.  Once her decision was made, there was no turning back not for her not for us.  Our oldest daughter stepped up knowing we could not handle three children and said she would raise the girls.  We have the boy.  Our lives have changed and changed forever.  We did not hear from our middle daughter for a long time, now she is back in Ohio and we are trying to decide what path GOD wants us to walk.

Over the past approximate 18 months, these three children are stronger and more in control of their feelings.  They are loved, cared for, protected and nurtured.  They are given a chance at make good choices in their lives and have grown better at knowing who loves, cares and protects them.  Tonight we did something that was very difficult we told our Zack about his mother being back in town.  He didn't bat an eye but asked when he had to see her.  We assured him that we will meet with her first and she will have to talk to the Therapists before we plan a visit.  That seemed to reassure him we will protect him every step of the way.  He knows we will not let her take him and that we have done of every measure at school, home and on the bus to protect him.  He was happy to hear she could not remove him from the school and that he knew to go to an adult if she would show up there.  The scary thing is, she will be living fairly close to his school...that pertrifies me.  Thank goodness the school knows of this and will protect Z-man from her taking him.  Our oldest girl found out from the day care that they could not keep JRH from getting the youngest girl from the day care but they could detain JRH and call our oldest girl and she in turn will call the police and keep JRH from taking the youngest out of day care. So scary!  I just pray that JRH will realize how settled her kids are and just back off.

Yes, I know she is their biological mother and she has rights too, but she didn't think of that when she left.  She didn't think of that when she neglected the children over the 5 years she had them.  She didn't think of that when she let other men beat and abuse mostly Zack and JJ...  She didn't put them first it was always her and her drugs and booze to keep herself going.  She didn't not once put her kids first in her life.  That is why it is so hard for me to accept the fact that she could have changed...that she could be responsible, that she could love them and treat them with respect, care for them properly, see to their needs.  I don't think she can or ever will.  Why you ask...well it is very hard for a leopard to change its' spots!  The things she has said over the past two weeks just proves to me how inrresponsible she still is...

So many things have gone through my thoughts...do I sign a restraining order against her to protect us and Z-man?  Do I call the courts and let them know that she is in town and would they like to talk to her about abandoning her kids?  Do I call Children Services on her (yes she has another child now and he will be a year old in May).  What do I do?  How do I handle this.  I am unsettled and fear she will fight for the girls and cause all kinds of grief which is unfair to the children and to our oldest girl.  So my best thought is to turn it over to GOD, let HIM guide me in HIS special way and I must listen closely to hear HIS words of what will be best for the children. 

I ask you to pray first for the children, then for my oldest girl and for our daughter JRH.  I love them all and know in my heart what I think is best for the kids and I pray that it is GOD's way of telling me that is HIS way too!