Today I have thought a lot of what it truly means to Forgive and Forget. To do one means you must do the other. Can I do that? Am I able? Boy this is a tough decision.
Let me explain. Our middle daughter left her children June 2009, since then we (Greg, Tabby, Martin and I) have had the wonderful pleasure of raising her three children. We have Zack and Tabby and Martin have JJ and Katie. It has been a tough road but we have endured and are starting to see a little light at the end of a long tunnel. Since then she has not communicated to her children directly except for three letters each which were sent the latter part of last year. In those letters she didn't once mention that she would call or try to visit. I am not sure why she would not want to be around her children, but she at that time had no desire.
She has move back to Ohio in the Franklin/Carlisle area since the first week of April. I don't know what she expected us to do or how she expected us to feel but I at this exact moment do not want to be around her. We have told the children and they have acted out in school and at home. They are rebellious, unruly, snippy and down right rude. Not on a continious basis but day to day I see a little more of this stuff coming out. Tonight Z-man actually told me to shut up, nope I did not backhand him or whip him, I just told him that the next time he does it he will sit in time out with a bar of soap in his mouth. He didn't apologize but he didn't talk like that again. I am not sure if the acting out by all three children is the result of knowing their Mom is back in town or if it is the change of weather. I know we were at Walmart and Z-man stayed on the floor most of the time. When we left he told me he was afraid that his Mom would be there and see him and he did not want to see her.
Forgive, how can I do that? She hurt three children and she hurt her Dad, Sister and I pretty bad. She also changed our lives forever with her actions. How can I forgive her when she didn't care what was happening to her kids the past 18 months. How can I forgive her? I know in my heart GOD is telling me that it is the right thing...but my mind is fighting back saying "NO! I don't want to deal with it any more!" Yes, I love her, Yes, she is my daughter that I carried 10 months and gave birth to, raised and love. But she has grown into a person I don't know and don't like very much. Forgive, that is a tough one for me.
Forget!? How can I when a little boy tells me stories of how it was living with her and how she treated him or how she let other people treat him? How can I forget the fear in his eyes each time she got mad? How can I forget the way she lived and how I don't want to see the children living like that again! I was not a filthy housekeeper, my home was not perfect but it was clean and my children had clean clothes, food and beds to sleep on that wasn't crawling with bugs. Forget...that is as difficult to do as forgive.
Again, I keep hearing GOD in my heart saying "Forgive." This to me is a huge challenge and one that is not going to be easy for me to do. A couple of reasons are 1.) the way she treated the children 2.) will she think that we forgive her, we will give her the kids. For one, I am not giving up Zack and Tabby is not giving up the girls...they are in a better place, they are loved and cared for with love. They are happy and satisfied. One problem, they do love their Mom and one day we are going to have to come to grips with this and set up a time for a visit. I am not looking forward to that day...we are letting Zack tell us when he wants to see her. I feel this way he is making that decision and we are not forcing him to do something he is not ready to do.
So to Forgive is to forget and that is a tough one. Please share with me your story of how you overcame a challenge where you had to really put effort into forgiving and forgetting!
God bless you and keep you. May HE always shine as a light in your life. May you always know HIS way is the light and life of your world!!
Hugs
Paula
Let me explain. Our middle daughter left her children June 2009, since then we (Greg, Tabby, Martin and I) have had the wonderful pleasure of raising her three children. We have Zack and Tabby and Martin have JJ and Katie. It has been a tough road but we have endured and are starting to see a little light at the end of a long tunnel. Since then she has not communicated to her children directly except for three letters each which were sent the latter part of last year. In those letters she didn't once mention that she would call or try to visit. I am not sure why she would not want to be around her children, but she at that time had no desire.
She has move back to Ohio in the Franklin/Carlisle area since the first week of April. I don't know what she expected us to do or how she expected us to feel but I at this exact moment do not want to be around her. We have told the children and they have acted out in school and at home. They are rebellious, unruly, snippy and down right rude. Not on a continious basis but day to day I see a little more of this stuff coming out. Tonight Z-man actually told me to shut up, nope I did not backhand him or whip him, I just told him that the next time he does it he will sit in time out with a bar of soap in his mouth. He didn't apologize but he didn't talk like that again. I am not sure if the acting out by all three children is the result of knowing their Mom is back in town or if it is the change of weather. I know we were at Walmart and Z-man stayed on the floor most of the time. When we left he told me he was afraid that his Mom would be there and see him and he did not want to see her.
Forgive, how can I do that? She hurt three children and she hurt her Dad, Sister and I pretty bad. She also changed our lives forever with her actions. How can I forgive her when she didn't care what was happening to her kids the past 18 months. How can I forgive her? I know in my heart GOD is telling me that it is the right thing...but my mind is fighting back saying "NO! I don't want to deal with it any more!" Yes, I love her, Yes, she is my daughter that I carried 10 months and gave birth to, raised and love. But she has grown into a person I don't know and don't like very much. Forgive, that is a tough one for me.
Forget!? How can I when a little boy tells me stories of how it was living with her and how she treated him or how she let other people treat him? How can I forget the fear in his eyes each time she got mad? How can I forget the way she lived and how I don't want to see the children living like that again! I was not a filthy housekeeper, my home was not perfect but it was clean and my children had clean clothes, food and beds to sleep on that wasn't crawling with bugs. Forget...that is as difficult to do as forgive.
Again, I keep hearing GOD in my heart saying "Forgive." This to me is a huge challenge and one that is not going to be easy for me to do. A couple of reasons are 1.) the way she treated the children 2.) will she think that we forgive her, we will give her the kids. For one, I am not giving up Zack and Tabby is not giving up the girls...they are in a better place, they are loved and cared for with love. They are happy and satisfied. One problem, they do love their Mom and one day we are going to have to come to grips with this and set up a time for a visit. I am not looking forward to that day...we are letting Zack tell us when he wants to see her. I feel this way he is making that decision and we are not forcing him to do something he is not ready to do.
So to Forgive is to forget and that is a tough one. Please share with me your story of how you overcame a challenge where you had to really put effort into forgiving and forgetting!
God bless you and keep you. May HE always shine as a light in your life. May you always know HIS way is the light and life of your world!!
Hugs
Paula
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